do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
