He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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