Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
