I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
