The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
