Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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