I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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