We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
