This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
