I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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