so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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