She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
