I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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