I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
