I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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