I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
