end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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