so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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