Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
