did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
