god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
