ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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