Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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