I got chris browned last night
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
