A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize