I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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