i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Oh god it's open bar.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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