So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
