Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
