And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
