Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
