there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
