You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Drake has all the answers
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
