ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
