Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I touched a dick in church today
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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