the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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