U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
