Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
