look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
