i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
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