I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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