Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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