hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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