last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize