what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
