And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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