They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
