I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
