i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
