I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
