Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We're facebook friends in real life
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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