Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
