he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
