Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
