thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
