Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
