ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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