I think i sorta joined a cult last night
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
