Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
