I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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