so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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