he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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