Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
