After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
