he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
